My Mad Fat Diary and Fatness

Take a moment and imagine the whole world having access to your seventeen year old self’s journal. Terrifying, right? Rae Earl had the same reaction at first. However, she did just that. Her book, My Mad Fat Diary, is her actual diary from when she was seventeen years old. Recently, the book became available in the United States. Also the screen version will air on Hulu soon. Both take place in Lincolnshire, England in 1996. It begins with 17 year old, Rae Earl, just leaving rehab for an eating disorder. The rest of the series follows her journey figuring out the real world including boys and dealing with her body size. 

Throughout the series, Rae continues to struggle with her body as well as falling back into her old purging habits. She desperately wants to have sex but simultaneously feels extremely self-conscious about her body. Because of her body size, she doesn’t think any boy would ever find her sexual attractive or even pretty. In order to hide her body, Rae always covers herself in large, loose-fitting clothing.

One scene in the series displays the suffering Rae endures by simply weighing herself. It begins by showing Rae staring at her scale as it spins. Finally it stops. Among other phrases, the last one she says is “I am fat.” The rest of the video has music filling the space. Rae stares at herself in the mirror and reaches to the back of her neck where there is a zipper. As she unzips, a new body is revealed; one that is skinnier and wearing only undergarments. She then drags the “fat suit” down the stairs to her backyard where she throws it in a trashcan. Then takes out a match and burns the suit. The video ends with Rae back in her bathroom crying as tears drip onto her scale. 

This video shows the pain behind fatness. Those private moments of life that not many people see. Stepping onto the scale watching as it lands on a number that you are not proud of. Society screaming in your ear “you’re ugly”, “you’re lazy”, “you’re not good enough”, “YOU ARE FAT.” These moments are even more substantial for those with eating disorders, like Rae. 

Those who identify as fat would probably be annoyed at people who look like the girl coming out of the fat suit who call themselves fat. It makes fat people feel even worse about themselves. However, those girls looking like the one coming out of the fat suit often see themselves as fat. As a result, they call themselves fat. They look in the mirror and see the fat suit. Bones may be able to be seen protruding from their bodies yet they see only fat. Their body image is distorted.

Eating disorders can be linked to the societal implications of fatness. Amy Farrell (2011) points out that in the 19th and 20th centuries fatness was a bodily trait recognized as inferior. This makes sense since the show takes place 20 years ago

Even though this show takes place 20 years ago in a different country, women today continue to struggle with their body image. People who are fat, especially women, are considered sexually undesirable. The billowing of their stomachs and thighs rubbing together represents lack of self-control and laziness in American and English society (Farrell, 2011). It is assumed that person must not care about themselves enough to get to that point nor to change. People today must recognize that body shape and fatness is not an accurate depiction of health. 

In an interview of the real life Rae Earl, she says that she was terrified of having her journal published. However, seeing her teenage self on screen has helped her learn to love and even laugh at herself. I like to think this video of Rae shedding her fat suit as a metaphor for her freeing herself from societal standards of fat. That underneath all of those societal implications, she is beautiful. The video ends in the present day where society is continually telling her she is ugly because of her fatness.

http://mashable.com/2016/04/13/my-mad-fat-diary/#B0xE7Yx9GkqR